GameDay: Fuck The Detroit Lions

Fuck Detroit. The Lions must be the only NFL team that loves away games if only because they get to leave that shit-hole of a city for a couple days.

Has anyone ever seen a Lions fan IRL? I did once, just once. More rare than mithril they only come out after sweeping Greenbay, only to crawl back in their igloos when they still manage to go 6-10 for last place in their division. The Lions were the Browns before the Browns were the Browns.

They had the best WR in the NFL and stunk. They had arguably the greatest RB in NFL history and stunk. Is it any wonder both Calvin Johnson and Barry Sanders retired early? The will to get the fuck out of Detroit is strong. So strong that NFL greats end their careers just to GTFO.

Detroit is the festering bunghole of the United States. Michigan isn’t even flyover country, it’s a snow covered no mans land inhabited by ice fishing wildlings. Ford field is the crappiest stadium in the league. Lions fans don’t eat or drink at Ford field because they live solely on depression. Their iconic food is Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Their coach is a plastic shopping bag bursting at the seams with jelly and a pencil poked in the middle. Their QB has been a year away from putting it all together since 2009. Their receivers don’t even know their own names.

The Lions tied the Cardinals… The fucking Cardinals.

Fuck Detroit. Go Birds. I Love Eagle!

Game prediction –

The Lions, inspired by trying to spend as much of their lives out of Detroit as possible find the will to take the game into overtime. They win the toss and get the ball first. At that point Matt Patricia will call for a punt which will be blocked. When asked post-game why he would punt directly after fielding a Kickoff he will cite strategy and empirical Detroit knowledge.

Eagles win 28-21.

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